what remains

I hope one day
I can feel like I'm enough

I hope some day
This won't feel like suffering

a little more like toughening
the edges of this silk
I call my disposition

until it's black as tar
or clear as glass

watch it,tear it..
hold it fast

mold a sad beginning
from a hopeful past

be happy,
smile

fake ecstasy

be good like you're supposed to be

be anything but close to me


watch it, tear it,
hold it fast

you rip this silk
then hope it lasts

genius

I can dream, can't I?

I know I'm not the smart one
or the beautiful one
or even the one you love


but that's because you can't see me
through thick
preconception


and if this girl can't have dreams
then I'm bouncing around a hollow shell
of things called skin and bone and
a universe
too small to hold what I could astound
even you
with

if I could loose the grip around my neck
your trembling fingers are
unaware of.

the option of failing

you let me be me
and that is what's beautiful about you

the world is yours
but you'd toss me the key
if I'd catch it

but blind I become
when your heart bleeds...

and if I'm scared of one thing
it's that I'll succeed

and leave you with nothing

nothing but me

comes out in the wash

figure this out
if you can
after forming my life
out of broken plans

suddenly I win

and you can't take the credit
can you?

and you can't take what's mine
you'll be lucky to share
because what I'm about to see
will never compare

to this pile of
burning
trash and the season it's taking with it

quite a shame,don't you think?
that your theory
will be thwarted with this
lead and ink

but thank God you were here
to give me the words
because without you this
turmoil
would have never occurred

but I'm happy it happened--
not passing the blame
without it,I probably would've stayed the
same--
the same old me I was at seventeen
and that's not a pretty thought

it's not even what he caught
me in the middle of

thank God.. because he didn't deserve that
but eat humble pie,like a crow
because guess what--he knows now and doesn't want
to go

anywhere

looks like it's a mess
like a bed you made and must lie in
oh but lying comes easy
like a summer dress
and gives you something
to say

a sin to
confess

but you don't do that

thank God,because the rest of us
need energy
for all these prayers
we have to pray
and these allowances we must make
for all the things you love

and hate.

90 days grace..makes it all okay
so keep smiling

remember..?
you never needed me
anyway

city girl

Chanel and Prada
Shame on me!
For not being the girl
you'd like me to be

Diamonds and Satin
How dare I!
Move away further
from your grass,and her sky

Hair and nails and skin
Oh well!
There goes my desperate attempt
at a sell

Tin roofs and dirt and cows
You don't say!
Sorry they can't stand to
My Chopin and Monet

Perfection I can't pour from a jar?
Oh my,it'd melt your heart!
Flowing locks,Face so clean
From the smile on your face,you know what I mean

My city nights, sparkling lights
No she couldn't have!
I say,yes,that's true,and neither could you
and fall back on my fabulous laugh.