cleaning the closet

testing, testing...

pretty sure it's been five years since my last confession

since I've been tested

so why do I even try?

you asked for control of my senses

but gave me too much time

So I've tasted acidic saliva

until I'm out of my mind

and smelled chemicals

that burn

or well,I'd rather they burned

than sit on the shelf staring a hole through me

the bottle's empty,you see

and the choice is mine

But I can't think of myself today

what kind of priority would that be?

cinching my purse strings

for the first thing

I ever created

More than I can take--

that's a pill I can't swallow

while I'm on the edge

still smelling paint fumes and

dusty rags as his

sweaty brow drips

salt

onto these keys

misshapen garden

sure, it's hard for me

a little sample of halcyon days
that can do no harm
to your memory

or a black sheep
that bleeds
ink

it's too messy

I told you so..
I heard them say
though I walked a step
ahead

square pegs
cylindrical holes
a prettier word
makes it fancy
but it will never make it
fit.

should have been no combination
of flowers and weeds
I hear in a mumble

Thorns look a little strange
growing next to my roses
behind my pride

part
of a grander scheme
but not part of the plan

emotional apartheid
and why do I care?
while I separate what doesn't belong

over this telephone

For Eden Jade

So much outside
I don't want you to see
Don't bother acclimating,love
or wasting time with what they want you to be

You're too beautiful to belong
Too sweet to meld in
To their pink and purple
quicksand

So don't cry if you don't fit
in this for the long haul
Dodge the punches but
Say what you want to say

(Mama taught you that way)

I won't let you spoil
That's the goal
But I don't care if you're golden
and fool them all

I'll hold your hand
until you make me let go
and make you stronger
than I ever was

You could never understand my tears tonight
though they fall to your eyes
I don't understand either

Because sometimes when you do almost everything wrong
you end up with everything right

For you are my one and only
and try,I must
though it take blood and tears...

To make you different than me

"hard times at work"

Up at 5:40 this morning..and keep feeling compelled to give a nod to all you moms who "don't work" (This isn't my standard format for writing,so forgive any imperfections: free-form works so much better for me anymore).

Can't help thinking about it.. in response to a well-intentioned comment that "sometimes [wives] don't try to understand what a hard day [their husbands] have at work;and a comment from another that men aren't mind-readers so [their wives] should just ask for help when they need it.

Oh,but how I wish I could.

I'm at work right now. Tattered PJs is what Casual Saturday calls for,and I only WISH someone at the office had remembered to have some extra strong coffee waiting for me. Both of my bosses are unabashedly lazy, but rest assured,they'll call for me when they need something. Yeah..they can yell at me all day, but don't bother to fix me a lousy cup of coffee??

Yeah. I have two bosses.. and neither seems to communicate with the other about the workloads each are assigning me. Then they never seem to notice when I make my presentations extra special,or give me a pat on the back when I put in overtime FOR THE SEVEN-HUNDREDTH week in a row! That time off I requested? NOOO...! There's always some big thing they're working on,so they "won't be able to approve" that request for a long lunch break or a holiday off with pay.

"Some bosses at least let their employees off for the weekends!" I whine.

"But we're not those other bosses,now are we?" they say with a typical half-grin.

But then again, there ARE their good points. They both give these great big smiles,and even the occasional hug: completely uncharacteristic of your average employer. They never seem to mind when my cubicle gets a little dusty or cluttered. They're very lenient when it comes to what they deem workplace-appropriate attire and turn a blind eye to my frequently disheveled appearance,and,as long as I get my work done,they don't mind me browsing the internet on company time.


To state the painfully obvious.. I am talking about my kids--my babies (And for the record,the "lazy" comment and wishing they'd get off their butts to help me is typed with a big smirk on my face and no real truth behind any of it). I refer to them as of late as "My two full-time jobs", and while it is SOOO cliche to speak of how hard moms work (insert your "boo-hoo..I'm a poor,poor,stay at home mom" comments here..),it does need to be said that the average wife WOULD think of how hard a day her husband was having at work if she had a spare moment to think of ANYTHING! However(and I'm stepping on my soapbox here),a good wife will DAILY think of her husband's needs AND CATER TO THEM,no matter what category they fall into. After all, HE WAS HERE FIRST!

That being said, husbands.. if you take the TINIEST bit of initiative WITHOUT your wife having to ask for help.. I PROMISE YOU, you'll GET taken care of(just sayin'..)!! I've heard it said that the sexiest sight for a woman is a man cleaning the house,and that is largely true.. especially for busy moms.

Yes,sometimes I wish it was on the schedule to put on a great suit,wash my hair,put on perfume,and actually get complimented for a job well done. But for now, on the agenda is milk and diapers and kids who don't notice I'm trying my hardest to give them a fantastic start to life.

But I do love my job. Wow.. do I ever!

Love you all!

Us. ~A Tribute~

We're far from normal
Some say we're cold
Because we don't care to grasp at memories
To play back when we're old

Living in the moment
sounds so dry and so cliche'
But no one knows how good it feels
Lying next to you,night after day

We're far from normal
And close to home
But the stories you tell me
Allow me to roam

Thank God it's Friday?
I don't get it at all
Save my excitement for Tuesday
Sweating,waiting for a call

We're far from normal
Oh,but save me from becoming
Like all of the rest of them
So senseless,mind-numbing

They said our train's not coming
But time's on our side
So I'm sure we can come up with something
And take the waiting in stride

We're far from normal
But it's our island,our bliss
And I can't help thinking,when we reach the landing
There's so much about abnormal I'll miss

The Question

oh .. you're sorry?
you say it like you stepped on my toes

the words are too little
and you're too late
or maybe early
but no second guessing
game
because I won't play

and oh,how your childhood catches up
no matter how fast you run
you're still a kid and there's still a
closet
with a door that won't budge

but,oh.. you're sorry?
you say it like you're an oracle
but your platform is
pitiful

the hand you extend is too little
and the letter inside is too late
because you're still a kid, and there's still a
question
that will die in your brain

poor thing.