Drift

Just when I thought I couldn't make it
There you were

Made of cotton, and lace, and liquid.

Smaller than I thought you could be
And somehow too big to fit in this coffee cup

You are every bit here
And I can't find you.

Air

Apparently I can't take a breath
Without you here telling me to.

But the life inside demands it
So I struggle for the air.

They are only days.. 30 of them.
Then they start over again and
with vicious precise measures
Cut until we bleed.

I'm tired of worrying. Move out of
your icy platform and pass down your promises,
Before I pass down my pain to the innocent.

It's alright, little baby.
Mommy won't cry long.
And it doesn't feel as bad as I make it out to seem,little baby.
I only need to make it through today,and take you with me.

What They Don't Know

It could fill a book. Or a library of them.

What they don't know and refuse to see will eventually bury them,
but they're content in their own glass-like smoothness and tar-laden
houses. So much for perfection.

But no one will ever tell them.. no one would dare.
For we would once again be pulled into the dry well
of words..that would leave us thinking the worst of
ourselves for our honesty. So let them be buried in
their ideals, and
us, let us stay thirsty.

One day we will find ourselves looking into this book..
of what they don't know.
Pray that you will absorb every letter,
So those that come after us will see us
standing in front of the dry well,


with an empty glass.

due justice

most of your enemies will never need your help blowing themselves up. if you wait long enough, they will make confetti of ivory towers..shards and all in a pretty calamity.

where is the smile that should be on that face? you sit down and wonder how soon it will end. towers have fallen and the stars have come out. proof is chipping away at that masquerade of her sunny day. there are no more shadows over you so soon everyone will see.. that you've always been happy.

what they don't know is that more than once i made you smile.

but i was more than you deserved so you settled for perfection. and now he's happy with my imperfection, so don't mess with it. don't mess with this light skin and these dark eyes he longs for. don't think twice about it. you can't handle it. i am the same girl you remember. but i'm too strong..you won't recognize the strength in these hands because he gave it to me.

be happy. you got what she always wanted.

and i get justice.

bitter herbs

apparently, sometime when you're not watching, something evil can get inside your body and take over, causing havoc in places you only thought cancer could reach. or maybe fire. but this fury comes from something you can barely see. but often others can see it... in your skin ,your eyes... but since they never saw the invasion that occurred years before (because of it's microscopic form and clarity), they assume that perhaps you need more sun. "maybe she hides from the sun," they whisper. "who would hate sunlight the way she despises it?" the acidic, peculiar enemy eats away at your arms and eyes, but all they can see is the paleness in your cheeks; the weakness of your voice.
from the earth i am pulling what they say can chase away this disease. and i pray as i swallow hard. if i remove it, will they finally see me? because of this fever i no longer care..

the dirt is bitter. and playing here put smudges on my manicure.

but after all, if mud is what they're looking for, this is the right place to find it.


for here lie dirt, tears, and a child more beautiful in the light of the sun.

I'm back

It's good to be back. life is decidedly lackluster when you can't get your random musings into cyberspace to other people who --much like everyone else in the real world--don't care what you have to say. but here you are anyway,so i will attempt to make the minutes that could be spent more productively a brand of a "better bad choice". (i talk this way since i've become an avid kickboxer... it's a shame that my mind has taken more notice than my body has... arrrgh.. It's a lazy Saturday morning.. can't get my husband out of bed... apparently he is the smart one. I feel inspiration creeping back. Hey, if I can overcome this writer's block I can quite possibly do anything. I think I will lose weight this year. Yes, I'll be a bombshell.. without the blonde.. or maybe..... no.. a brunette bombshell. It would help if Ryan would quit telling me I look so hot already. Blatant enabler, he is. One cannot become a bombshell going out for pizza on Friday night then sleeping in 'til 10 with you, sir! "I'll be at the gym when you wake up....... or.... in here on the computer!..... k? ..... baby? .... oh blah..." I will start being hot on Monday. I will be at work and his wiles cannot overcome me. Really, I need to give props to my husband in this first entry, as he is the heart and soul of why I've started writing again. For once in my life somebody looks at me, almost stunned, and tells me what I write is "amazing". (I do, however, believe he uses words too freely... for example, when we receive a traditional 9x9 glass dish at our wedding shower, he immediately labeled it "awesome". Nice it was, and grateful I am, but... the Grand Canyon approaches awesome, as does some Thai cuisine (which my husband of course fights to the death to call the grandest palatable creation you can put into a bowl)... but let us agree ladies and gentlemen that a glass dish is just that.. but, oh yeah... thanks! [honey,did they get a thank you not for that dish? the awesome one?] ) But aside from and even including his excessive grandiose vocabulary, he does make life close to heaven for me. ("hey.... are you awake?... love you... hello? oh never mind..") ;)